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LOVING PARENT
by Sonet

Are you a parent of either young teenagers or "grown-up" children? if so, maybe we can share our views and experiences and give each other valuable advise.

I have for the past 7 years been through hell with both my children, who are now aged 20 and 24.
We went from drugs, sex, raves and all the rest of the unpleasantries that go hand in hand with that.

Now 7 years later I am looking back on all of that and just like a bad nightmare I feel that sometimes it's not over and will never be over and then other times I feel a sigh of relief and think that finally it's a thing of the past.
Why is it, I wonder, that we as parents today, find it so hard to be like our parents were, more parent and less friend?

Is it because we all told ourselves that we will not be like our parents, whom as I look at it now, were great and helped me a lot, and we tried so hard to convince ourselves that we shall be better parents and be friends with our kids, which is not a bad thing, but sometimes the kids need a parent and not a friend.

I found it very hard to be too forcefull with my children and thought it was more important to learn about what it is all about to be a kid today, with all the drugs and things going around so freely. I learnt the hard way about the drugs and told myself that I will not use the tough love aproach, but instead be there for them through it all. Today my children are my best friends and say thank you to me every day for the way I handled everything, but I still somehow feel that I failed as a parent, because if I did it right, would they maybe not ever have gone down that path? They say they would have no matter what I did, and from what I have seen I sometimes think they are right, but I still wish that I could have spared them the agony and heartache.

Today I find myself with 2 adults as my friends, but they still have the capability of minupulating me to a degree that I sometimes wish I wasn't a mother. Do they have that right? My mind says no, but my heart says, just hang in there, this will get better too.

There are so many things that happen to us all during our lives, do you look at it as a challange, something that will only make you a stronger and more objective person, or do we look at it that it is time so throw the towel in and say, no it is your turn to work out through your own problems>
Well I guess, we all ask ourselves this every day and for each of us the answer is different, but whatever it is, I say that tomorrow is another day, face it when it happens and deal with it.

Loving parent
Sonet
You can Contact Sonet at hansjg@mweb.co.za

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